i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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