my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
