No stitches, just platelets and will power
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
