Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
