I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
