he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
