I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
