; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
