I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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