We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
