apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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