So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
