Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
