we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
