What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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