The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
