shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
