He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
