Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
