If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
