I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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