I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
When did angry sex become our thing?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
