i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
