i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I need to wash the frat house off of me
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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