wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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