I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
