Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Dick very happy bro
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
