I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
