Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
