he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
