How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
