I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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