The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
