You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
