please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
