If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
