dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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