I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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