I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
