some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
