I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
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