You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
