whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
