I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize