Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
We had to coat check the pizza.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
