I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
