I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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