I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
