yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
