I think I won the penis lottery.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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