They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
