Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
