I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
