? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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